I’m in Love With the Snow Snow
This week we’re talking about snow, the Super Bowl and a whole lot of molasses.
I grew up in Walnut Creek, California. Walnut Creek is in the East Bay, about 25 miles east of San Francisco. It was a pretty fantastic place to grow up, but there was one key part of childhood that I never got to experience—snow.
The first time I ever threw a snowball was around the age of 6. One of the neighbors had gone up to Lake Tahoe to go skiing and they had the brilliant idea to bring home a cooler filled with snow. The snow balls weren’t perfect, they were kind of icy and hard to form, but my god did we have a blast throwing them out in the middle of the street. The weather was typical for the time, 65 and sunny, so the snowballs didn’t last long, but they got the job done. I had had my first snowball fight and I was hungry for more.
Of course, I lived in California. More snow wasn’t going to just show up naturally and my neighbor didn’t feel like getting back in the car and immediately retrieving more snow. So I would have to wait until I ended up in Lake Tahoe myself to experience the real thing.
As I was around 7-9 at the time, my memory is a little fuzzy about the exact details of the first time I saw snow fall. We had driven up to Tahoe with my parents, my grandmother and I feel like there may have been an aunt or two there, but I really can’t remember. What I do remember is that it was chilly, but not horrible when we got out of the car at the hotel. I was still wearing shorts because, you know, California kid.
We went to have lunch at a restaurant on the top floor of the hotel (Harvey’s I think, maybe Harrah’s). Shortly after we ordered I saw it—one solitary snowflake falling lazily. My eyes turned to the size of dinner plates and I could hardly keep still, particularly as I saw that the one flake had a bunch of friends with him. It was snowing. SNOWING!
My little brain could barely keep up with the fact that I, Charlie Connell, was experiencing snow. Not snow brought to me from afar in a cooler, actual honest-to-god snow falling from the sky snow! I was literally bouncing in my seat, pointing to the snow and hijacking any attempts the adults made to have a pleasant conversation to point out that it was snowing. At the time I didn’t understand anything about how snow worked, particularly not snow in a place like the Sierras. I knew that there could be a lot of snow but I also assumed that it all happened at once, not over the course of a couple of hours. In other words, I was quite impatient to go out and see the snow. How in the world could I care about the grilled cheese I had ordered when there was snow just a short elevator ride away?
Eventually, my father relented to my demands and took me outside to see the snow. Immediately upon stepping outside I learned something about snow that I had never once considered—it was cold. It was very cold. How can it possibly be this cold? I turned to my dad, completely unaware of how silly I must have sounded, and proclaimed my newfound knowledge, “Snow is cold!”
Even though I had a full understanding that the reason we didn’t get snow at home was that the weather was too warm, I was completely shocked that snow was cold. I’d even thrown a snowball previously, I should have known that snow was cold. But I was also a little kid whose brain was absolutely discombobulated by this new type of precipitation. My dad still brings it up to me quite often that I didn’t know snow was going to be cold, and I can’t blame him, I’d make fun of me forever.
I think my late introduction to snow explains why I still kind of love it today. I’m horrible at walking in it and I’m good for a fall or two per year. (I have a theory about how if you don’t learn to walk on ice as a child your confidence doing so is forever stunted, it can’t just be that I’m clumsy) But despite the annual sore butt and skinned knees, I love the snow. Even when I have to shovel mountains of it just to be able to take the garbage out, I’m glad to have snow around. Snow rules.
Weekly Song To Rock Out To
The Super Bowl Shuffle by The Bears Shufflin’ Crew
While my area of expertise may not be the history of song, I can still assure you that this is the greatest single song ever created. Just as the ‘85 Bears are the greatest football team to ever walk this planet. I refuse to hear any debate on either of these topics, they are indisputable facts.
My favorite thing about the video, which is glorious, is that Walter Payton and Jim McMahon clearly were not at the original video shoot. I love the ‘80s era green screen technology they use to just sort of superimpose the two stars of the team over the chorus for their verses.
Also, this song was nominated for a Grammy! Hell yes.
Charlie’s History Corner
The first time I heard about the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 I assumed that it was bullshit. It seemed like the kind of thing somebody would make up or, at the very least, exaggerate the details of in order to make it more interesting.
But no, on January 15, 1919, a storage tank containing more than 2.3 million gallons of molasses burst in Boston’s North End, creating a tidal wave of molasses that killed 21 people, injured 150 more and caused a spectacular amount of damage.
It’s the kind of history fact that is really difficult to wrap your head around. Molasses is gooey and thick, it’s impossible to imagine it flowing at all, let alone rushing down city streets at a speed estimated at 35 mph, swallowing everything in its path.
The immediate question that I asked myself was, Why was there so much molasses in the first place? No, it was not there to make Boston Baked Beans, as I’m sure people have joked many times. It turns out that molasses was a key ingredient in the production of ethanol, which would then be used in the production of alcohol and munitions. Ships would bring molasses into Boston, then they would be stored in a storage tank before running through a pipeline to the ethanol factory.
January 15 was an unseasonably warm day with the temperature hitting 40 degrees, it was the first nice day after a spell of cold weather. A fresh load of molasses (which was warmed to decrease viscosity) had been added to the tank the day before, mixing with molasses that had likely frozen. As the two mixed and the frozen molasses expanded while thawing, the tank burst apart.
Residents heard a sound not unlike machine gun fire, thought to be the sound of rivets shooting out of the tank as it expanded, shortly before a large boom. As the molasses spewed forward it created a wave 25 feet high that moved at great speed, carrying all of the debris from the tank along with it. This means steel girders, planks of wood and other items that cause great damage when flung at great speed. The wave hit with such force it caused buildings to collapse, while flooding others with 3 feet of gooey molasses.
“Molasses, waist deep, covered the street and swirled and bubbled about the wreckage …. Here and there struggled a form—whether it was animal or human being was impossible to tell. Only an upheaval, a thrashing about in the sticky mass, showed where any life was …. Horses died like so many flies on sticky fly-paper. The more they struggled, the deeper in the mess they were ensnared. Human beings—men and women—suffered likewise.” - from the Boston Post.
As the molasses cooled it became more viscous, trapping people and animals alike. People who had been injured after being hit by debris ended up being unable to free themselves from the molasses, ultimately drowning in it. The sludge like substance also made it incredibly difficult for people to get in and rescue those who were trapped. Shortly after the spill many of those who had avoided major injury suffered from a persistent cough, caused by their throats being coated in molasses.
The clean-up process was arduous, as I’m sure you would have guessed. It took about six months to complete, with much of the harbor stained brown from the molasses until summer. While the flood was contained to Boston’s North End, the mess was spread all throughout the city by those who were working on the clean up… everything they came in contact with became sticky.
In the end, the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 led to stricter regulations in construction to prevent a similar industrial disaster in the future. United States Industrial Alcohol Company, the owner of the tank, ended up on the receiving end of one of the first major class action lawsuits in U.S. history. Lawyers from the company claimed that it had been blown up by anarchists since some of the ethanol produced would be used to create munitions. The court saw through this and found the company liable to pay out over $620,000, which is the equivalent of about $9.3 million today.
Things To Read
If you’re not already sick of talking about the Super Bowl Shuffle, check out this oral history of the greatest song created by the greatest football team. http://grantland.com/features/an-oral-history-super-bowl-shuffle-1985-chicago-bears-iconic-music-video/
It turns out that living in the most expensive building in the world is just as annoying as living pretty much anywhere else. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/03/realestate/luxury-high-rise-432-park.html
Make Scar Great Again. https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/yes-scar-commanded-his-hyenas-to-plunder-pride-rock-but-we-cannot-banish-a-former-king-to-the-elephant-graveyard
A Check-in On Charlie’s Sports Sanity
Today is the Super Bowl! And I… don't’ really care? During the pandemic I have learned that what I loved most about random NFL games (in other words, games that did not directly involve the Bears) was watching them with my friends. I haven’t watched many games that didn’t involve the Bears this year because, well, I just didn’t want to. I would check the scores, maybe watch some highlights, but the joy of watching them was gone. I really, really miss being in a packed bar watching games on a bunch of different TVs. Yelling at frenemies about how their team sucks, running over to see why people were screaming on the other side of the room, doing shots to celebrate another Bears victory. But, I made some killer chili, we’ve got a bunch of snacks and I’m ready to watch the Chiefs win their second Super Bowl in a row. You heard it here, folks.
Thank you for reading Moronitude! See ya next week!