The Billionaires Lost… This Time
Talking about the brief life of the European Super League and the weirdest battle of WWII
Welcome to Moronitude! It’s been a big week here at Moronitude World Headquarters and we’ve got a lot to stew about. Let’s just jump right into it, shall we?
Against all odds, the European Super League managed to have a shorter life span than either iteration of the XFL. Watching it all unfold on social media was a truly bewildering experience. As a Tottenham Hotspur supporter, I have to say that this is the first time I’ve found myself in complete agreement with fans from Arsenal and Chelsea since, well, ever.
Here’s a very quick recap for those of you who haven’t been following the saga. A cabal of 12 of the richest football clubs in the world got together to start their own Super League instead of participating in the UEFA Champions League. The plan was to have a 20 team league where 15 “Founding Members” were always a part of the league, regardless of how well they did in their respective domestic leagues. And herein lies the major problem.
In the current model, the Champions League is made up of teams who finished at the top of their domestic league the previous season. There are four teams from England, four from Spain, four from Germany and so on. What the Super League was aiming to do was to make sure that the founding teams were always participants, regardless of whether the team was actually good or not.
European football fans were immediately outraged over the idea of the Super League. The entire sport is based on the system of promotion and relegation, the Super League completely kills this concept. Not only does it guarantee the greatest financial rewards will only go to the teams who already dominate, but it means that an off year by the Manchester Uniteds of the world comes with zero consequence. Oh, you finished 17th in the Premier League? No matter, you still get to play in the Super League as one of “the best teams in the world.”
As an American, we’re used to the billionaire owners getting to do whatever they want. As fans, we’ve accepted the ruse owners have spun for decades about how they can’t afford to build stadiums. We’ve come to believe complete lies about how the presence of an All-Star Game or Super Bowl will lead to hundreds of millions of dollars (and jobs created) for the host city. Every season we put up with skyrocketing ticket and concession prices, while in the same breath excusing billionaires for trading away generational talents because “we need to get under the luxury tax.” In Europe, this shit doesn’t fly.
Within 48 hours the Super League was dead. Which is great, the Super League is a preposterous idea that allows the richest to just get richer at the expense of everybody else. It deserved to die a quick and violent death. But let’s hold off on celebrating just yet.
Firstly, people seem to think FIFA and UEFA—two of the most notoriously corrupt organizations in the history of the world—are the good guys here which is patently absurd. This was a case of some billionaires (the Super League teams) feeling like they deserve to get way more money than they’re being given by the billionaires they’re currently in bed with (FIFA/UEFA). For now, they’ve been thwarted, but make no mistake, they’ll likely get their way in the end.
I think this was just the first attempt at this. The Super League teams will work out their differences with UEFA and get some more favorable changes made to the Champions League. Some of the changes that will be taking place starting in 2024 already lean towards the super rich—having a 36 team table that negates the risk of getting drawn into a “group of death,” and adding two extra slots for teams who did not qualify but had the best numbers. Then the next time changes are made to the Champions League they’ll favor the rich a little more and so on. In the end, I expect the billionaires to all get their way. Probably because I’m an American and that’s what has happened here.
Isn’t it funny how the richest 1% of folks love talking about the miracles of the free market, but the second they see an opportunity to eliminate any possibility of competition they rush for it? The teams that formed the Super League just couldn’t stomach a team like Leicester City crashing the party and taking some of the billions, nor could they tolerate splitting the spoils with a separate entity like UEFA. Like so many billionaires before them, they were simply appalled at not leaving a single penny on the table for anybody else. But what they didn’t count on, particularly in England, was how furious this would make their fans.
That’s the truly remarkable thing to me. How can you own a club and have absolutely no clue how supporters would react? As a Spurs supporter, I absolutely despise the idea of a Super League. To me, the whole point of playing in Europe (shorthand for Champions League or Europa League) is that it serves as a reward for a successful domestic campaign. The elation of actually making it into the Champions League is part of the appeal, making it into a “Super League” without any of the work would feel hollow. And I understand why people think it would be cool to play Real Madrid every single season, at some point it just becomes the same as playing Burnley. The reason it’s so appealing is that it’s a rare event.
And that’s just looking at things selfishly as in “how will I enjoy watching these football games.” The fact of the matter is that the Super League would have completely destroyed the hierarchy of European football, one of the only true meritocracies in world sport. In theory, a scrappy little nobody club like Scarborough Athletic (who I chose because they are a) in one of the lowest divisions of English football and b) they play in Flamingo Land Stadium) can, over the course of many years, work their way up and become Premier League champions. It’s not going to happen, but that dream is part of what makes the sport so special.
In the same vein, a behemoth like Manchester United can spend untold millions of dollars, play like complete shit for an entire season, and find themselves relegated from the Premier League. It probably wouldn’t actually happen, but the threat is there. In a closed league that could never, ever happen. And this tiny bit of risk was too much for the greedy group of 12, hence the Super League.
Lastly, as a supporter of one of the teams behind the failed coup I have a ton of conflicting emotions. It gives me yet another reason to hate ownership, which is something I’ve been on board with for at least the last handful of seasons. But it also makes me feel gross, almost like I was slightly responsible for the possible destruction of English football as we know it. Which is completely ludicrous, I shouldn’t be feeling guilt for something I couldn’t possibly have had less to do with, but I do. If other fans see me wearing my Spurs scarf and want to tell me to fuck off, well, I had that coming.
I’m not going to stop loving my team. I’m not going to stop watching them. But, just like I wrote about the Red Sox a couple weeks ago, I feel that love fading. I don’t think it’s specific to my teams any more, but much more of a wholesale malaise at watching billionaires loot and pillage sports teams, making millions but destroying hearts.
Fans won this battle, but there’s still a long war ahead.
Weekly S̶o̶n̶g̶ Album to Rock Out To
SKA DREAM by Jeff Rosenstock
Oh yeah, you read that correctly. This week it’s not just a song, it’s a whole damn album. Jeff Rosenstock put up an Instagram post on 4/1 advertising the release of an album called SKA DREAM on 4/20, along with the album art.
At first I was super excited because a) I love ska, b) I really like NO DREAM so a ska version of it sounds pretty cool and c) I really love ska. Then after a couple of minutes and a glance at the calendar I realized that this was likely nothing more than an April Fools’ Day joke.
Then, much to my amazement, on 4/20 the album was released! It’s pretty good, but even if it wasn’t, it’s so much damn fun. Rosenstock called on a ton of different artists to collaborate with him on the project, essentially putting together a ska supergroup to cover his latest album. It’s the kind of thing you talk about doing with some friends at the end of a particularly long night of drinking, it’s not the kind of project that actually happens.
Things to Read
A look at Andrew Yang’s run to be mayor of NYC and the general creepiness of celebrity politicians: https://newrepublic.com/article/162060/andrew-yang-celebrity-politician
Imagine being this outraged by Disney World relaxing its dress code for employees. This is a truly hilarious article that quickly becomes terrifying when you realize it isn’t satire. https://www.orlandosentinel.com/opinion/guest-commentary/os-op-disney-wokeness-ruining-park-experience-20210423-y6i6ofah2bfzfcbauj4rdurjoy-story.html
More on the Super League from Defector. https://defector.com/why-the-european-super-league-is-evil/
Charlie’s History Corner
The Battle of Castle Itter
There was a time not all that long ago when the History Channel was mandated to show a minimum of 6 hours worth of World War II documentaries every day lest they be taken off the air. It was a time before Ancient Aliens and Pawn Stars and whatever the hell they call that show with the two losers who cross the country buying garbage from people. And I loved it, I watched every damn hour of WWII documentary I could.
It was with this “expertise” that I thought I could say with certainty that in every battle during World War II featuring both American troops and German troops that the two were never on the same side. It turns out this is false. War is a chaotic experience and the history of it is never as clear-cut as you may think, so let me tell you about the one battle where German forces fought alongside American troops against the SS.
Castle Itter lay in the northern part of Austria. At first, the castle was loaned out by the German government, but in 1943 they decided they didn’t like paying rent and the castle was completely taken over by the SS. The castle was turned into a prison for high-profile French prisoners of war and it fell under the demonstration of the Dachau Concentration Camp. A handful of notable prisoners including two former French Prime Ministers, Charles de Gaulle’s sister and French tennis champion Jean Borotora were housed within the castle’s walls.
Right before the end of the war, in early May 1945, a Yugoslavian communist prisoner by the name of Zvonimir Čučković escaped Castle Itter. Čučković left the prison under the guise of running an errand but his real plan was to find American forces and give them a letter letting them know of the prison’s existence. It took a few days, but eventually Čučković made contact with American forces. A rescue mission was planned but later thwarted by heavy shelling.
While he was away, the head of the prison, Sebastian Wimmer, started to realize he and the rest of the Nazis were not long for this world. In addition to being nervous as to what may happen after the escape of Čučković, Wimmer was shook by the suicide of Dachau’s administrator, so he decided to abandon his post to avoid capture. Wimmer took his SS troops with him and the prisoners were left to fend for themselves.
After a suggestion from a Czech cook, some of the prisoners left the castle with a letter (much like Čučković) in an effort to find the Austrian resistance soldiers. What they found was a combination of Austrian resistance and German Wehrmacht soldiers who had decided to flip sides. The German forces, led by Josef Gangl, had planned on protecting the town they were in from the SS while waiting for American troops to arrive so they could surrender.
Instead what happened was that Gangl’s forces ended up joining up with American Captain Lee and a unit of four Sherman tanks from the 23rd Tank battalion on a mission to free the prison. So a very small force of Americans, Austrian resistance and rebellious Wehrmacht soldiers set off for Castle Itter.
Once there they learned the prison had been abandoned by the SS, but that they were also planning for battle. The former prisoners armed themselves with whatever they could find laying around and nominated an SS officer they had befriended to lead them in their defense against the SS. When the ragtag force led by Captain Lee arrived the prisoners were delighted to have more troops joining their cause, not to mention the tanks, but they were disheartened that there weren’t more of them. Captain Lee would assume command for the defense.
I know how insanely confusing this is, so let’s recap what’s happening before the actual battle takes place. Defending Castle Itter is a group made up of the French political prisoners who were imprisoned there, the SS officer they befriended, some Austrian resistance fighters, German troops who flipped sides shortly before their eventual defeat and a handful of Americans with some tanks. And on the other side, the SS.
On the morning of May 5, five days after the suicide of Adolf Hitler, the SS launched an attack against Castle Itter. The SS force of 100-150 soldiers was overwhelming, with the Allies calling for reinforcements immediately. Through some pretty heavy, albeit not particularly bloody, fighting the defense was able to hold on until afternoon, when the US 142nd Infantry arrived, quickly ending the battle.
Over 100 SS members were taken as prisoners after doing battle against an enemy force including their former allies. The only casualty of the battle happened to be the former Wermacht leader, Josef Gangl, who fell to a sniper’s bullet while attempting to lead former French Prime Minister Paul Reynaud to safety.
In the grand scheme of the war, the Battle of Castle Itter barely mattered. But when it comes to answering really bizarre questions that may come up in Bar Trivia some day, this is one battle you need to know about. So when you win that free round of drinks some time in the future, don’t forget who gave you the knowledge you needed. In case that’s not clear, it’s me. I’m the one who told you about this weird battle. Let me have one of your free drinks.
Woah, that got a little weird there at the end, sorry about that. I’m just really excited about the idea of playing bar trivia again some time soon. That’s this week’s Moronitude. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading.